I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
