Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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