Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
