I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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