Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
