New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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