chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
