Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
