porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
