The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
