Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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