last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love having hate sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
