she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
