so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
