Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
