I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
