when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize