sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are a genius and a whore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
