My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
