Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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