you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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