He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
