I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
4 words: hood of his car
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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