youre lurking in front of me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
