i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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