youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im part way to drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
