Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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