dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
