When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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