I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The feeling are messing with the penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
