Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
