i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
