What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
