I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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