the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
