We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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