Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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