he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
