The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
