I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
