We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
