I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
