based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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