My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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