Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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