you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
