Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
