Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
