We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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