we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
