My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
