Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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