you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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