can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
