this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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