I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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