my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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